Me an' My Buddy Matt

Matt is my buddy. We are friends, me an’ Matt. He has funny hair and a beard, me an’ Matt. Sometimes Matt likes to stand on his head. I think it’s funny usually so I laugh and laugh. Matt likes laughing, me an’ Matt.

One time Matt’s Mom got real sick. So we made her a cake out of chocolate. She likes chocolate now. She also isn’t sick now.

Matt and I can climb up to the highest tress, and climb down to the lowest ground. That’s what we like to do, me an’ Matt. Sometimes, but only at night we play flashlight tag. I think it’s fun so I do it. Matt sometimes gets mad when he loses, but he never loses his cool because Matt is the coolest. I could be the coolest, but then Matt wouldn’t be. Yeah he’s the coolest.

Matt told me that if you farted on the couch and smelled that spot on the couch the couch would smell like fart. It does, me an’ Matt. Matt also told me that if you hang upside down for long enough your face turns red. Well mine didn’t because I can’t hang upside down anymore. Not now that the doctors say that I have to stay indoors, me an’ Matt. They say I have a bone disease, and that if I get hurt, it will hurt me. Matt says he’s going to be a doctor when he grows up so he can misdiagnose me so I won’t be sick and hurt.

Now mostly just Matt plays outside. Matt’s mom gave me his Nintendo, so I don’t care anyway. I was never a cyborg before Nintendo. Now I am, me an’ Matt.

Matt’s getting married next month and that will be that. He says he’s moving to Kenya “just because.” But I know it’s because he’s getting married. I guess some people do that these days, me an’ Matt. I died.

UPDATE: You can now hear the audio version of this story at Idiot Fiction.